Dr. Bill

Unnecessary Force

billbaumgartner — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 23:43:33 +0000

bill sent you this JibJab Sendables greeting.

http://www.jibjab.com/sendables/share_view/aH9liF4ivqXtWIx459hHChFN

The parrott tells all…maybe my counseling worked!

billbaumgartner — Thu, 22 May 2008 18:12:47 +0000

Yosuke the parrot rests in his cage at his home in Nagareyama in Chiba Prefecture, east of Tokyo, Wednesday, May 21, 2008 after he went missing for two weeks. When the African greay parrot flew out of his cage and got lost, he did exactly what he had been taught _ recite his name and address to a stranger willing to help. (AP Photo/Kyodo News)

Lost parrot tells veterinarian his address

Thursday, May 22, 2008 11:36 AM EDT
The Associated Press

TOKYO (AP) — When Yosuke the parrot flew out of his cage and got lost, he did exactly what he had been taught — recite his name and address to a stranger willing to help.

Police rescued the African grey parrot two weeks ago from a neighbor’s roof in the city of Nagareyama, near Tokyo. After spending a night at the station, he was transferred to a nearby veterinary hospital while police searched for clues, local policeman Shinjiro Uemura said.

He kept mum with the cops, but began chatting after a few days with the vet.

“I’m Mr. Yosuke Nakamura,” the bird told the veterinarian, according to Uemura. The parrot also provided his full home address, down to the street number, and even entertained the hospital staff by singing songs.

“We checked the address, and what do you know, a Nakamura family really lived there. So we told them we’ve found Yosuke,” Uemura said.

The Nakamura family told police they had been teaching the bird its name and address for about two years.

But Yosuke apparently wasn’t keen on opening up to police officials.

“I tried to be friendly and talked to him, but he completely ignored me,” Uemura said.

Do you know what ‘Gender’ your computer is?

billbaumgartner — Sun, 18 May 2008 12:55:45 +0000

A Spanish Teacher

Was explaining to her class
that in Spanish, unlike English,
nouns are designated as either
masculine or feminine.

“House”
for instance,
is feminine:
“la casa.”

“Pencil,”
however,
is masculine:
“el lapiz..”

A student asked,
“What gender is ‘computer’?”

Instead of giving the answer,
the teacher split the class into two groups,
male and female,
and asked them to decide
for themselves whether
“computer”
should be
a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked

to give four reasons
for its recommendation.

The men’s group decided that
“computer”

should definitely be
of the feminine gender
(“la computadora”),
because:
1. No one but their creator
understands their internal logic;

2. The native language
they use to communicate
with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes
are stored in long term memory
for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make
a commitment to one,
you find yourself spending
half your paycheck
on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women’s group,
however, concluded
that computers should be Masculine
(“el computador”),
because:
1. In order to do anything
with them,
you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data
but still can’t think for themselves;

3. They are supposed

to help you solve problems,
but half the time
they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one,
you realize that if you
had waited a little longer,
you could have gotten
a better model.

The women won

I told him, I couldn’t help him!

billbaumgartner — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 02:12:43 +0000

A young man named George brought a parrott into my office Friday.

A parrott !

He said it needed counseling. Could I help?

I pointed out to George that birds were not my expertise and I didn’t see how I could help him. After some discussion, he convinced me to keep the bird overnight and see what I could do.

Well………..

I found out in a short time,
The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude,
obnoxious and laced with profanity.

I had no patients scheduled for the rest of the morning so I decided to give this bird some attention.
I tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude
by consistently saying only polite words,
playing soft music and anything else I could
think of to “clean up” the bird’s vocabulary.
Finally, I was fed up and I yelled at the parrot.
The parrot yelled back.
I shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.

In desperation, I threw up my hands,
grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet.

Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

What would George say when he came in tomorrow to pick up his bird.

I was worried that George would not understand.
Fearing that I’d hurt the parrot,
I quickly opened the door to the freezer.

To my amazement,
The parrot calmly stepped out onto
my outstretched arms and said,
“I believe I may have offended you with my
rude language and actions.
I’m sincerely remorseful for
my inappropriate transgressions and
I fully intend to do everything
I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”
I was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude.
And as I was about to ask the parrot what had made
such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued,
“May I ask what the turkey did?”

This is,

Dr. Bill

Be safe, be well, and remember,

*A laugh a day, Keeps the Doctor away*

Happy Easter

billbaumgartner — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 13:47:49 +0000

A note from the desk of Dr. Bill:

On this joyful Sunday, I would like to wish all of you a Happy Easter.May you find peace, happiness and everlasting prosperity.

Dr. Bill

Bill@gathergreatness.com

Seeking New Patience

billbaumgartner — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 02:53:00 +0000

My patient list is growing, but I can squeeze in one or two more folks.

Pull up a chair, have a seat,

THE DOCTOR IS IN !

Last week was very busy:

Monday – spent most of the morning trying to recover from yesterday’s day off. Drank several cups of coffee. Devised survival plan for the rest of the week. Met with a few patients, discussing their needs, my suggestions and dreaming of the Easter Bunny.
Tuesday – More clients, more deadlines, more headaches………………..
Wednesday – another exciting day……………………………………………………………………………………..
Thursday – I like to call this hump day. Over half-way until my next day off…………. thus *over the hump*
Friday – My patience is growing thinner.
Saturday – the last day of the week. Hurry up 4 0′clock.

Another ~~40 hour,~~ 50+ hour work-week is almost over. Whewwwwwwwwww !

ps.

A note to myself………………………….I need to start planning my next vacation.

pss.

Another note to self…………………….Proud to be living the *American Dream*

pss.

One more note to self…………………If I had more patience, I would seek more patients, but since lately I seem to have less patience, would I be better off with less patients.

This is,

Dr. Bill

Be safe, be well, and remember,

*A laugh a day, Keeps the Doctor away*

No More Comments, Please!

billbaumgartner — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 02:23:20 +0000

From: Doctor Bill’s Office

Subject: No More Comments, PLEASE !

Please do not send Dr. Bill any more insulting comments concerning his video, which was attached to his St. Patrick’s Day Greeting. He is particularly peeved about references concerning his appearance.

He was quoted as saying:

“For Pete’s sake, You know I don’t look good in Green”
“Those were not my shoes !!! “
“Eee Gads, That wasn’t my hair” “Was it?”
“Of course you realize that wasn’t me, it was my stunt double”
“I’m not even Irish !!! “

Oh Well……………..

May the luck of the Irish be with you.

Dr. Bill

www.gathergreatness.wordpress.com

Happy St. Patrick’s Day – A Little Early

billbaumgartner — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 21:27:37 +0000

St.Patrick’s Day is March 17, 2008.

Happy St. Patty’s Day.

I started celebrating a little early. (See attached video).

I think I was having a bad hair day,

or it got messed up when I hit my head on the Pot-o-Gold ?

See what you think!

http://www.jibjab.com/sendables/view/G81Rqmc90GedMOXmfBhgbAz3

ps. Don’t laugh too hard.

pss. Thank goodness for the green beer.

psss. Ahhhhhhhh. That was goooooooooooood.

Dr. Bill